Why High-Achievers Struggle In Love

Dr. Katie Dating, Doubt 8 Comments

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re a bit of a high-achiever.

Why do I guess this?

Because the women who sync up with my materials are typically intellectual, spiritual, and self-aware.

Strong women who lead in work, play, and family.

And often these women also struggle in love.

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with hundreds of women (as well as a fair bit of self-reflection).

When you’re a high-achiever, it sucks to feel like a beginner.

It’s incredibly uncomfortable to be vulnerable.

And failure seems like simply not an option.

And what are natural parts of growing in your love life?

Being a beginner, vulnerability, and yes, in one way or another, “failure.”

Think of this failure as you might think of learning to walk for an adorable baby.

No matter how many times a little baby struggles to stand and walk, you encourage her, cheer her on, support her, coach her, celebrate her.

However, for someone like you, I bet you don’t do much of the same for yourself in your growth areas.

You’re so good at SO MUCH that it can feel incredibly foreign to skin your knees in an area of life.

But, love can do that. Love WILL do that, when you’re single and when you’re partnered.

It’s the “failures”, the skinned knees, the confusion, the hurts that create so much opportunity for the wins, the joys, the open-hearted, unconditional love, the soul-deep connection.

Would you be open to cheering yourself on some more these days?

Would you be willing to let go of the idea that you must “have it together” at all moments?

Can you trust that you are growing and that your partner is absolutely, certainly, without-a-doubt out there for you and searching for you, too?

You are becoming the woman who is ready for him.

Don’t quit on your own growth process.

Here are your action steps for today:

1. Go on 1 date this week. Make an online profile and ask someone out. If they don’t respond, do it again. You can do this; hop back up just like you did when you were little and unafraid!

2. Go out with a friend or coworker once this week and keep your eyes up and body language open to new contacts (shoulders down, arms at your side, make relaxed eye contact with others).

3. Decide on a new hobby or activity that will shake up your circle. Exercise is a great one – running, crossfit, something where you see other men there (barre probably won’t cut it, here).

Next week, start fresh with new action steps!

Don’t let fears or worries hold you back. It’s okay to feel awkward, anxious, nervous and all the rest. You can feel the fear and take the steps anyways.

Write a comment below and let me know: what hobby are you going to choose?

Or fill me in on this: where will you go out with your friend or coworker?

Remember: your vision plus action creates an unstoppable magnet for the Universe.

I’m looking forward to hearing your plans!

Comments 8

  1. Caterina ilich

    Hi there.
    Today I’m headed to a wine bar with my sister. I need to think about what hobby to start. I’m unsure of the dating app right now. My wounds are fresh from my break up.

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  2. Sabina

    I’m unsure about what hobbie to add as I have so many! I’m not kidding. I love doing new things so I will find something. Asking someone out online is out if my comfort zone but I will do it. I’ve always waited for them to ask me. I never believed in or wanted to chase anyone. I thought they should chase me. This will be different. Okay I will go after it. Thank you.

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      Dr. Katie

      It’s so true, Sabina, you have many hobbies! Now, it’s all about ensuring you are open, approachable, and connecting with great men while you are out and about in the world whether engaging in a hobby or online. Keep up the great work!

  3. Paula

    I went out with a friend and former co-worker this yesterday. It was fun, but I felt down after she left. neither of us has a BF but she has such a big family, they keep her occupied and happy. I have a wonderful family but it is very small and do not live close so I am alone a lot in a town where I have not lived long and am still trying to make friends, much less find a man!

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      Dr. Katie

      Hi Paula, great thoughts. On the one hand your friend may not feel her loneliness as much as you since she has a big family, but on the other hand, it’s fantastic that you have the clarity and clear room in your life for a great partnership. Creating new roots in a new area isn’t always easy, but it’s well worth it. Every new group or activity you take on will give you more opportunities to meet more people and let’s not forget how fantastic online dating is for meeting new men.

  4. Susanah

    I just joined a cycling group. I am working on a tight schedule but Km totally open to start a relationship. I am learning my gourth language and being more open to go out with co- workers and friends.
    However, I have someone that I like very very much…. but we seem to make three steps forward and two backwards….
    There’s a lot to see in this relationship.

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      Dr. Katie

      Those sound like great additions to your routine for meeting a potential partner! A well thought-out and executed dating strategy is one of the pillars of ensuring you’ll find your partner, as well as being free of past relationships and open to new experiences and able to communicate effectively with him.

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